This past weekend, we held our annual BFL fantasy draft. I was going to keep a running diary pick-by-pick, which would have been extremely funny, but I was drinking Lone Star Light (brought back from
San Antonio, TX) the whole time while drafting for myself and playing the drafting agent of another person. So Im only going to give a quick re-cap.
SIDEBAR: This was the second year I had to play the drafting agent for someone who couldnt be there, and I highly recommend not EVER doing that. It creates a serious conflict of interest, and if the person missing is anything like the person I drafted for on Saturday, they will be calling you every 30 seconds totally interrupting your train of thought. It really is a pain in the neck (or another part of the anatomy that rhymes with class).
Quick recap of the draft:
We have a lottery system of drawing playing cards ace through queen for the drafting order. Ace is the first pick. The lottery begins with the first person drawing a card landing the first pick. Im not worried because hes 90% retarded.
As the defending champ, I get to draw cards last and end up landing the ninth spot. Already having a target on my back, the others start dogging me, and saying Im not making the playoffs. If I could have found a championship belt at the Dollar Store, this would have been the point that I hoist it up for all to see. Alas, couldnt find one. It would have been funny though.
The draft begins and I sit eagerly waiting as Priest Holmes, yes the same Priest Holmes who has led the league in touchdowns for three years, continues to slide. (Let it be known that most law students dont know a damn thing about fantasy football.) Tears well up in my eyes as Priest is taken one pick before me. He slipped to eighth. This is why Im not worried about picking ninth, well that and the fact that I eagerly pick up Willis MaGahee with my first pick. Picking for the other person, who was eleventh out of twelve, I lock up Domanick Davis and Kevin Jones (I had mistakenly disclosed the fact that K. Jones averaged over 6 yards per carry in the last six games last year.)
Still sitting cool, I select Rudi Johnson as my second running back. Im already planning my back-to-back championship parade.
The G.M. in the five spot is getting the TV Face Time Award that goes to the guy who takes forever to figure out who he is going to pick, much like the guy in the World Series of Poker who pauses for a spell before every play. Hes the reason we instituted a time limit for picks this year. Much like the person selecting first, Im not worried about this guy. He went into the draft claiming he was only going after running backs. At the end of the day, he was walking around asking if anybody would trade running backs to him. Last year, he dealt Marvin Harrison for Kevan Barlow and a pack of smokes. Isaiah Thomas wouldnt even have made that trade.
With my next two picks I nab Andre Johnson and Nate Burleson. I chose Burleson over Larry Fitzgerald with the slim hope that he will slip to me 16 picks later in round 5. The picks roll by and Fitz keeps sliding. Sure enough, my roommate with the pick right before me grabs . . . you guessed it . . . Larry Fitzgerald. I cant blame him for taking Priest, but why does he have to take my third favorite NFL player (Priest is #2, after all I got to work out with him and hes from San Antonio. Other than Brett Favre, #4 in your programs, but #1 in your hearts, and my old teammate Jerheme Urban, no one else really makes the favorite player list.)
Distraught and upset by this turn of events, I choose to lock down a starting QB, and pick up Kerry Collins. Sure theres a chance hell throw 20 picks, but with Moss, Porter, and Curry hes bound to light up the scoreboards. The picks roll back to me, and since Im from the school of always having a receiver that is on the team of your fantasy QB I select Jerry Porter. (Last year I had Culpepper and Nate Burleson.)
The back-to-back championship parade is officially slated to begin on Goddard Avenue, head down Eastern Parkway back up Fourth Street into the downtown party scene, through Broadway, and ending at Bardstown Road for pubs in the Irish District.
People start picking up defenses waaaaay to early, so I have to grab the Eagles in round 7. I hesitantly grab Michael Bennett with my next pick. After all, its a contract year, maybe he wont get hurt, maybe hell return to his old form of a couple of years ago. Oh, by the way, as of today, hes hurt, which is why I just added Mewelde Moore to my squad (couldnt believe he was a free agent).
After round eight, we have to take a break because the natives are getting restless. I think all of us take a moment to call our significant others to say that we have just recently started the draft, and it is going to be a couple of hours.
In round 9, someone has the nerve to ask if Donovan McNabb is available. Of course, he was picked over an hour ago, so this G.M. goes to his next pick, Ahman Green (coincidentally, Green was picked around the same time as McNabb). This pick took like 20 minutes with the G.M. ultimately getting flustered and taking Eric Shelton.
Im anxiously awaiting my next pick to land my starting tight end who will have many touchdowns this year. Of course, I am ready to call out my pick as soon as the Senator (my roommate who has already cut the legs out from underneath me twice) when he makes his choice . . . L.J. Smith. Ouch. Again. Un-friggin-believable. He did it a third time. From here on out, Im writing down random names in case Senator was somehow seeing my picks when I was getting up to talk to the out of town team owner. Scrambling to pick up a starting tight end, I grab Jake Delhomme instead, only because I knew he wouldnt make it back to me. I was going to have to pick him for the other guy.
I finally land a starting tight end by picking Eric Johnson. After that point, things started to get fuzzy because Bruce was calling me every 10 seconds to see what running backs were left. I really wanted to fight him for annoying me, but he was four hours away. My only other steals were Jerramy Stevens who is poised to have a breakout year for a tight end, and Jeff Wilkins (best kicker available when morons start picking kickers in round 5).
All in all it was a good day, Collins, MaGahee, Rudi Johnson, Andre Johnson, Nate Burleson, and Jerry Porter should all have solid seasons to once again return the Cobra Kai to glory. Late sleeper pick of Jerome Bettis and Reggie Williams (Jacksonvilles number two wideout) could end up paying huge dividends as well.
We closed the day with beer, a game of Bocce Ball, and then some bean bag toss (horseshoes without the dangerous metal. Keep in mind weve been drinking all day. I wouldnt trust half these guys with horseshoes when theyre sober, much less inebriated.)
After all as the fantasy gem. in charge of the Cobra Kai, I say to myself, youre the best around . . . nothings gonna ever keep ya down.
If you dont know what that quote is, go watch Karate Kid and listen to the soundtrack.
